FoxFire Studios Presents
Sailor Moon: American Kitsune
Installment 6-Edward's Side
By Edward Becerra [firstname.lastname@example.org]
Compiled by David Gonterman [email@example.com]
Sailor Moon by Toei Animation
Storyline by Edward Becerra
Aboard the Calypso, somewhere over Hawaii...
"Boss, I'm picking up an unusual energy emission directed our
"Anything we've run into before, Minerva?"
"No. A very odd form of energy, too."
"Hmm..." Ed scratched at the scar on his forehead. Then he
pulled a sliver of crystal from his pocket and slotted it into a console
on the bridge. "I got this from Davey. Run a cross check on the data
in this logic solid and see if anything matches."
"One match, boss. According to the data on the crystal, it's
Negaverse energy. The second emission remains unidentified. As the first
is from the Negaverse and we know that Queen Beryl is allied with Rita
and Zed, high probability that the second is from some monitoring device of
Zed's. Most likely the spyscope he gave to Rita."
"Guess that they're on the lookout, expecting someone to
contact the rest of the Sailor Scouts. They're too dumb to think of the
Internet as a way of reaching someone, so they're checking everything flying
over the Pacific." He frowned. "Have they detected us?"
"No way, bwana. Cloak integrity is currently at 103 per cent."
"One hundred and three??"
"I've been working on the ship while you've been away, boss.
A girl's got to keep herself busy, you know."
"Well, then let's have some fun, m'dear. Any class 8 probes
"Good. Fit one with a holographic projector programed to look
like us, and a signal emitter tuned to make it seem like I'm on board.
They probably already have a scan of me from the fight in Haxtun. Dump it
overboard when the Nega-scum aren't looking. But don't start it up until
after we leave Tokyo."
"So, while we're heading _back_ with the Scouts, the probe will be
heading towards Tokyo. They'll detect it, and they'll think that
the girls haven't even been picked up yet. That's nasty! I _like_ the way
you think, boss."
"Thank you, m'dear. I try. Now let's get on it. I just wish
we could see the expressions on Rita's and Beryl's faces when they attack
the decoy and discover the trick we've pulled on them."
Over downtown Tokyo...
"Damn! And I thought Denver was crowded! How in the world do
they manage to fit them all in? Ok, Minerva, let's find the Scouts
and get out of here, _fast_!"
"I've spotted them already, bwana. They're in uniform, as
Davey asked them to be. Unfortunately, there's a large crowd around them."
"Damn! Well, guess that blows the stealth part of this mission. All
right, pull up overhead, and drop the cloak. Then beam me down.
But not on top of them. I don't want them thinking I'm another Youma
trying to attack."
As soon as the Calypso decloaked, the bystanders spotted it and
scattered. The Scouts, however, prepared for an attack. They
were a little surprised when all that appeared was a very
ordinary-looking American, wearing sunglasses and an battered, ugly looking
*Minerva, you on-line, m'dear?*
~No sweat, boss. Say what you want. I'll handle the translation.~
*Right, then.* He cleared his throat. "<Ahh, hello there! I
take it you are the Sailor Scouts?>"
"<Who wants to know, gaijin?>"
Ed groaned. *That _has_ to be Sailor Mars, alright.* he thought. "<Hey,
I'm not an enemy. I'm here at the request of Sailor Moon. We sent some
E-mail to Sailor Mercury to let the rest of you know what happened. Didn't
you get it?>"
Another scout spoke up. "<Yes, I did. You are the ... Edward
Becerra ... mentioned in it?>" She couldn't quite pronounce the last
name, mangling it badly. "<Sere... I mean, Sailor Moon is all right, isn't
"<Yeah, she's okay. One of my friends is helping her. We were attacked
by Youmas back in America. It seems that Queen Beryl has joined
forces with Lord Zed and Rita Repulsaa. Not the best of news. We defeated
her first attack. There will be more, however. That's why I'm here.>" He
pointed up at the Calypso. "<If you're willing, I'll take you to her.
That's my ship, the Calypso. I'm ready to go, if you are.>"
Right then, a large rose sailed past his shoulder, slicing through his
"<Turn and face me, demon!>"
*I don't need this. I _really_ don't.* Without turning around Ed said
tiredly, "<I'm not a Youma, tux boy. I'm just someone trying to help Sailor
Moon. If you want to defend her, I suggest you get your head on straight
and join me aboard my ship. You won't be able to get to America any other
way. Beryl and Zed are searching every thing in the air over the Pacific.
The Calypso is the only thing that can get you all past them. So make up
your mind, you annoying little git. Do you want to come along, or not?>"
Sailor Mercury hurried over to Tuxedo Mask and explained the situation.
When she got him calmed down, the two of them rejoined the rest and Ed took
a head count.
"<All right, then. Four Sailor Scouts, one white cat, and one idiot in a
tuxedo.>" Tuxedo Mask stiffened angrily at the remark. "<Do I have
everyone? Good.>" "Okay, Minerva, eight to beam up."
Over the Pacific, heading back to Colorado...
Edward was dozing in the captain's chair on the bridge of the Calypso,
when he was shocked awake by a screaming klaxon. He fell from the chair
with a thump. "What the Hell(TM)? What's happening? Minerva, report!"
"Sorry, boss, but we got a minor problem. Seems like some of the scouts
are having a catfight over the character in the tux."
"So what's with the alarms, then?" he said as he stood back up.
"Sailor Mars is throwing some fireballs, b'wana. I've got the fire
suppression systems on-line, we're not in any danger, and I'm foaming the
fireballs as fast as I can, but..."
"Yeah, I know. It's annoying, when she's doing it inside of you. Okay,
let me handle this. I got an idea. Put me on speaker, m'dear."
"You got it, lover boy."
He cleared his throat.
"Attention all hands. This is your Captain speaking. You might be
interested to know that there's an old tradition aboard spacecraft, whenever
a fight begins. No matter _who_ started the fight, _everyone_ involved is
shoved out the airlock! Now, as we're currently cruising at 60,000 feet,
that means that they'd either freeze or suffocate long before they hit the
ground, some 12 miles below. Would anyone like to comment?"
He turned on the microphones in the ship. Silence.
"Didn't think so. That's all for now. Minerva will be serving soft
drinks and peanuts at all the replicators. Just call her name, and she'll
take care of you. We hope you've had a nice flight and thank you
for flying Calypso Airlines."
He switched off the mike and laughed. "That ought to take care of the
problem, for now. But the sooner we get them to Colorado and off this ship,
the better I'll like it."
"You and me both, boss. We're coming up on the probe we dropped earlier.
Did you want to activate it?"
"Yes, but with one change in plan. Reset the emitter to imitate the
Scouts and Tuxedo Mask, as well as myself. That way, if Beryl, Zed, and Co.
shoot it down, they'll think they've won. And we'll have the advantage of
surprise." He gave her an evil grin.
"Nice touch, boss. Real nasty. I like it."
"Thank you, m'love. Let's do it. And then full speed to Haxtun. I hate
to think that I'm missing the fight."
Edward will rejoin David and Sailor Moon at installment 7
FoxFire Studios Present:
Sailor Moon: American Kitsune
Installment 6--David Side
Sailor Moon by Toei Animation, Brought to America by DIC
Power Rangers by Saban Entertainment
David "FoxFire" Kintobor by David Gonterman
"In all honesty, I can't figure it out how Queen Beryl came
back to life. I mean, Sailor Moon and myself seen to her demise
personally. But we just woke up last week and there she was,
back from the dead, and siccing wall-to-wall demons at us. Next
thing we know, Sailor Moon was taking a one-way trip to the
States--without a plane!! It still shocks me how Beryl came back
in that show of force. . ."
"I take it that you don't read Marvel, don't you Luna.
There's a reason why I call what Beryl did as "Pulling a Jean
Grey. . ."
"mmmmm. . .you've got a point, FoxFire. I must admit that
Queen Beryl looks a lot like that X-Man you mentioned--"
Foxie shuddered, "brrrrrrr!! Luna, don't *say* stuff like
that! We *know* how Jean Grey can get! Ever seen "The Dark
Phoenix Saga?" That's the most extreme case of Pre-Menstrual
Syndrome on record--"
"Huh, guys, can we discuss this later--We've got Putties to
"Oh, yeah, right." "On our way, Serena."
FoxFire leapt into the fray with both barrels blazing.
"BWAHAHAHAHA!! EAT PLASMA, VILE RETCHED EVIL-DOER!!!"
Serena was by now used to her partner's mean streak. Luna
however, was in utter shock over Foxie's uncontrollable urge to
shoot at whatever was moving at the time. "Er, David? Were you
a Postal Worker at one time?"
"I used to be a Data Courier for The Mobian House of Acorn.
why you'd ask?"
If what he did before that crack didn't produce a cold
sweat, that one did. 'just asking, David. oh mi god, he's a
"Hey, at least he's on *our* side, Luna. Me, I think he's
kinda like that Earthworm Jim 'toon, the one on . . ."
By now all the putties lie dead at an maniacally laughing
giant fox. He spots the former keeper of those putties. So does
Sailor Moon and Luna. "Jadeite again. What is this? Throwback
"muuph--moopth" Jadeite was about to say, "God Damned
Americans with their DOOM additions," but FoxFire had his Power
Rifle too close to Jadeite's mouth. ">PUTI!!< I thought that
you were taking *her* [points to Sailor Moon] back to Japan,
unless of course they wouldn't let her back in! hahaha--"
"**HAA!!** Did you think that we'd leave this fair city
unprotected, Negaverse Scum!!"
A motion of Jadeite's hand, and Foxie was blasted backwards
into his sailor-suited partner.
"We may be in trouble going against him. Jadeite's a high
ranking Negaverse general."
"I'll vouch for that Luna. He once blocked my Tiara."
"That gives me an idea. Conference, ladies."
The three did a huddle. Some strategy was discussed. 'but,
won't he block it again?' 'that's the idea.' 'er, can you
control that thing?' 'remote control with my arm.'
Sailor Moon turned to face Jadeite as FoxFire leapt into the
rooftops undetected. She reaches for her Tiara.
"Oh, don't tell me that she's gonna try that on *me* again,
is she that Read Only?"
"MOON TIARA MAGIC!!" She throws.
"HAH!! She really *is* a ditz!"
He motions to block--
---Jadeite's right arm was chopped off by a Bloody Card from
---the unblocked Tiara clotheslines the disarmed General!!
"Interesting," Luna examines the removed arm. "There's no
blood and gore. This black stuff looks like . . . motor oil!
And at the cut end, just a bunch of metal, wires, and tubes.
Jadeite's really a robot! An higher powered one too, but a 'bot
The black cat managed to see the sparks and backed away
before the arm explodes. A scrap of whatever was the skin lands
by her with the one word on it: ZITKOR.
FoxFire has yet to hear that name/brand/whatever for the
second time; he was engrossed in the act of diving into his
target, who has just activated a teleporter, allowing him to
disappear in a flash of light that slowed Foxie's descent to a
point that he lands like a feather.
"Foxie! What happened--"
"One moment, Moon." FoxFire looked up in the sky, keeping
straight on that flash of light. In a few seconds, his HUD
reported that a trace has been locked on what ever that was. His
cyborg parts can now track it anywhere on the planet without his
attention. He then relaxed and returned to his friend. "I've
just put a trace on whatever scooped that boomer up. We'll find
out where it's coming from."
"Good thing we were in costume at the time. The people here
wanted to thank us saving their town earlier."
"Well, you are supposed to be a super-hero, Sailor Moon."
"They're talking about giving me the Keys to their City.
I've been so nervous. I mean, what do they unlock?"
"mmmm. That's a good question, David." Luna was pacing the
floor, trying to find out what the American has in that Prophesy
that binds the Sailor Scouts. "I do know about Kitsunes being
honored guests in the Moon Kingdom. In fact, that's part of the
reason why wild dogs, such as Foxes and Coyotes, howl at that
moon like they do."
"I *was* wondering why we do that . . ."
"But you, personally. I haven't a clue. For all I know,
you're a wild card in our fight against the Negaverse. But . . .
I'm so glad you're able to help us, anyway. I can even help you
out in some ways. Here, hold your Bloody Card out, low enough
for me to jump over."
"Careful, Luna. I don't want you accidentally cut--"
Luna did that backflip that produces various magic items for
the Scouts. This particular spiral of moondust only converged
into the metal card. David can almost feel it changing the
card's structure, as it glows like Serena's Moon Tiara.
"That should do for starters. I've charged your card--a
Luna Card, now--with the same energies as the Moon Tiara. It'll
destroy Negaverse demons, but will pass harmlessly through other
people." "Groovy." "No sense to go about slicing up your fans,
"er, Davey, could you come over to your laptop, please?"
"Something wrong, Serena?"
"er, come see for yourself."
As David and Luna entered the room, they saw Serena backing
up into the wall, and by the computer--
"Yipe! A wild dog! Coyote, if I know right."
"A Coyote--playing Duke Nukem 3D?"
At this point, the dog turned his head toward David--and
"Hey, Dave. Do you know how to get 'God Mode' on this
"Oh! Sure thing, Gramps. Just hit DNCORNHOLIO." He shows
the talking dog.
"Thanks a lot, Grandson. I always know where to go to find
the right Cheating Medicine for these Video Games. You really
should try to be a shaman on this stuff."
"Sure thing. At least you're not using my computer to suck
"oops." "What?" "Too late." "DOH!!"
"But at least I used my *own* E-Mail address, I let you
know. I might be perverted, but I'm no jerk . . ."
"G-Gramps?!" Serena finally found her voice. "Your
grandfather got reincarnated into a coyote?"
"Oh! Serena, Luna, this here's Old Man Coyote, an Native
American spirit that kinda adopted me some time back. I still
think he's scrapping for believers. [Turns to Coyote] Ain't you
were going with Edward? I thought you'd jump to the chance of
visiting the Hentai districts there."
"You forget, David. I can shuttle back and forth by the
Spirit World. I'm just here to tell you that Edward's got the
Scouts. i've got dibs on the mars one, she's just my type . . ."
"Old Man Coyote? I've heard of you. Keep an eye on him,
Serena. He not from the Negaverse, but he *is* a tricky
scoundrel. He acts just like that 'Q' character in Star Trek."
At this, Coyote turned around--pausing just enough to tell
David that he's got E-Mail--to start snarling at the cat, who
cautiously back away. After about a second, he stretched his
neck up, as if to howl, and started *morphing* into his human
form to the startled Serena. At first the fur coat turned into
the standard buckskins he's used to wear, but as if on a whim,
the buckskins were changed into a Starfleet uniform. The end
result looked like a cross between Chakotay and Jack De Lancie,
who smiled and said:
"You're looking at one of the Q Continuum's forbearers."
"mmm, let's see . . ." David was ignoring all this while
checking his E-Mail. Apparently he's used to this Indian turned
Trekkie's tricks. "fan, fan, junk, junk, flame, junk, accusation
of racism . . . better report him . . . pedophilia pusher . . .
him too . . . Blue Ribbon Campaigner . . . *This* guy's
*definitely* getting it . . ." By this time Serena and Luna
returned to the computer, as Coyote quietly slipped away. "fan,
Sonia, fan, flame, junk--Herrrrrre we go: I've got a courier run
by Zordon, he want me to deliver a digitized package to three
Freelancers--I know them, they were with me in St. Louis--I'm
loading the file into my arm as of now. They'll be over at
Denver; that's not too far from here."
Luna approached the screen. "The next one is that trace you
put on Jadeite"
He clicked on it. "mmmm. Denver too. Coincidence."
"Coincidence or not, we have to get other there. You're
friends may be walking into danger."
"What about Edward and the Scouts."
"I'll just leave a note on the door for them . . ."
Jadeite gets a new arm grafted into him by a bunch of
machines, all with ZITKOR on them. "Ouch! You weren't kidding
about that fox, Queen Beryl. The crazy nut carries a Bloody
Rita: For once I actually *pity* an underling!
Beryl: So do I. I'll won't even blame him if he fails
Jadeite: I'm not through with this guy, my Queen. As
damaging to my person as it has been, this mission has been . . .
informative. David Kintobor is immensely into the Internet. In
fact, his left arm is a Web Site grafted into his arm.
Beryl: Fascinating. Lets find out if we can use this to
"I have a way."
Some homosexuals will tell you that you can't usually tell
whatever a person is gay or not. On average, this is the case.
But there are a select few who not just outwardly express their
homosexuality for all to easily recognize, but blatantly cram it
down normally unwanting people's throats; this behavior usually
gets them on Christian talk shows like "Focus on the Family," and
"The 700 Club." These people do the gay rights movement no
Zoisite is one of the latter. Even if he's in his . . .
"Even as we speak. David has tracked you [a disapproving
glance at Jadeite] to Denver, where I have an operation set with
the CDA protests there. You are familiar with the
Telecommunications Bill and it's controversies there?"
Beryl: Yes, I have been keeping up. See if you can use
this protest against Sailor Moon's new boyfriend when he comes.
Jadeite: It won't be easy, Zoisite. He's an staunch
Ditto-head, who is in favor of keeping the crap you're pawning
Zoisite: He is also convicted in some parts of the US of
something else. I shall keep you posted, my Queen.
"aaaah" "Back! Get BACK!!"
David grabs a chair and a whip to keep Edward's car at bay
like a loin tamer. The car continues to roar angerly at the
three of them, taking time just to swipe at Serena or Luna with a
door or the hood.
"My word! It's not enough that Edward had to name his car
out of a Stephen King movie, but he had to put a flux capacitor
in it too!! What *was* your friend thinking, David?"
"Beats me, Luna. It only means I can't hit ninety on it.
You's probably know that they dropped all Federal Speed Limit
laws around here."
Christine took another lunge for Luna, who hissed at the car
like a steam radiator. The car responded with saying that her
mother had a smooth forehead. In perfect Klingon, of course.
"We are *not* going to Denver on this junk heap, David.
We've got to find an alternative."
David and Serena looked as each other and smiled. "You
know, Davey. I *did* wanted another ride on your hoverbike
On an open road, Pinky and the Brain stroll across on their
quest to take over the world, only to be thoroughly squashed by a
mallet-wielding Gadget Hackwrench and a new mouse, a long-haired
Fievel type with a black left ear and wearing a dapper looking
Gadget: Honestly, Jonathan. Do they think that two NIMH rejects
can take over the planet when they can't even keep themselves out
of their cages?
Jonathan Brisby: Yeah. Besides, *we've* went and done that
years ago, heh-heh. <Takes her arm in his> Where to next?
Gadget: Hmmmm, so many bad guys, so little time. Let's go over
to Saint Canard. There's this cat I'd like to pummel while I'm
The two leave the scene, returning to their FIRESTORM
FanFict, while a hoverbike zooms across the road.
" . . . I shall not fear fear is the mind killer fear is the
terror that brings total destruction I shall not fear fear is the mind
killer fear is the terror that brings total destruction I shall not
fear . . ."
Luna was muttering that for five minutes now as she hid in
the relative safety of David's jacket as he, she, and Serena were
rocketing along the highway to Denver on his hovercycle. Serena
was in a safer position than Luna: Covered on three sides by
David's powerful arms--one of them machine, or course--and the
front by a windshield. Her "rabbit ears" were dangling in the
wind like the tassels of a kid bike's handlebars.
Up on the road ahead, a group of FanFict critics, who does
the "Galaxy Theater 3000" series not too long ago, are at an off-
road "Blue Ribbon" campaign to protect Free Speech on the net. A
short Japanese hentai was passing out perverted pics on disk
along with the blue protest ribbons.
Suddenly, when they pinned on the ribbons, they began to
feel drained, tired, unable to remain standing, much less return
to their cars and continue their trip.
"Something's wrong, I feel . . . strange." "I'm all so
sleepy all of the sudden, what's going on?" "Haven't you
guessed, either the Net has gotten slow . . . " "Or . . . we're
in a FoxFire . . . FanFict . . . uuuugh."
The last one fell right in front of the hoverbike, with it's
passengers scanning the area with their visors.
"Look for the union label, ladies."
"Yes, it's the only way you can be sure of getting quality
Negaverse Life Energy Drains."
"Hey, that's Hoppasai!! That's the one hawking those
ribbons. I know that hentai!"
"He's a pervert, rabbit?"
"That's putting it mildly, David. Hoppasai is wanted in 52
countries, 7 planets, and 43 alternate planes of reality,
including this one, I'm afraid."
David saw what Hoppasai was hawking along with the blue
ribbons and immediately called on his transformation sequence:
FOXFIRE MOON CONFIGURATION ONLINE!!!
"Moon configuration? Luna, what's going on? Why's he
"I've given him some more gadgets to help us-You better
"Oh, right--MOON PRISM POWER--but Luna, I think there's
something else going on . . ."
There was, for FoxFire took it upon himself to deliver the
"YOU!! HOPPASAI!! Do you know that spreading such smut
on the Internet is what caused the Computer Decency Act to be
passed on our shores!! YOU are the ones encouraging Censorship
on Cyberspace, not some anal-retentive senator!! On Behalf of
the Net, I shall show Congress a better way of controlling
cybersmut and punish the those who encourage these squelchers
of our free speech--and that means you, Baka-boy!"
Luna was livid. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT!! I'M
STARTING TO THINK THAT YOU AND SAILOR MOON ARE *RELATED!!*"
"Cool it, Cat; I'm on a roll, and besides, this is fun!
At this point, the half-pint sized hentai motioned for the
blue ribbons on the out-of-it crowd, and the people begin to move
like zombies at Foxie and Sailor Moon.
FoxFire reached for his Power Rifle--force of habit--but
Sailor Moon stopped him: "FoxFire, don't! These people are
under Negaverse control; we can't kill them!"
Foxie turned to Sailor Moon with a "huh?" expression on his
face, which was promptly eating ReBoz's fist.
Approximately thirty seconds in a one-sided fight with
former FoxFire FanFict Flamers turned Mindless Negaverse Slaves
and the two heros were slumped up against a toolshed.
"just a minor setback, rabbit." Despite being flat on his
face, Foxie regains his enthusiasm. "it'll take more than that
to stop me. throw me back in luna, we'll show them bastishes . .
...To be continued...
Sailor Coyote says: I'm afraid that Forbozz and his cronies
haven't figured out yet, but I'll use their example to set the
moral for this chapter: Do not flame us Native American Spirit
Guides if you don't want them to pull some nasty tricks on you,
like put your sorry butts in the Fanficts that you are trashing,
heh-heh. Now then. . . er, Raye, do you have a light, ma'am?
Mars: Gladly! MARS FIRE--IGNITE!!
[Mars' Fireball lights up Coyote's cigar all right, along with
half of his fur as well. Coyote blissfully puffs away anyway.]
Coyote: Like I said, she's just my type. Let's have a kiss,
Mars: Damn, still kicking, I can't believe it. It's the hentai
that wouldn't die...
Oh, and stay on-line to my cyberfriend, David Gonterman, and keep
him posted on what you think of his work. He's kinda fun to be
around . . . for a white guy, that is, but I wouldn't hold *that*
against him. Now then, let's see if I can get these URL's right
. . .
Never mind, Gramps. I'll handle it:
E-Mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org
The FoxFire Web Page is at http://users.aol.com/dgonterman. I've
just streamlined the menus and posted up some animated GIFs,
including a Wagging Tail at the FoxFire Logo. Now would be a
good excuse to get Netscape 2.0.
Firestorm Begins!! The Disney FanFict universe begins with The
Rangers of NIMH!! You got it: A Rescue Rangers/Secret of NIMH
crossover, and I'm surprised that *nobody's* thought of this
sooner, but then again, nobody else has a fourth-generation
descendant of the original Jonathan Brisby as one of their first
characters, that is.
See you next time . . .